i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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