Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
