Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
