i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
