Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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