happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
