I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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