The best revenge is premature balding
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize