I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
