ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
