I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize