I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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