i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
