Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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