birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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