Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
