Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
