I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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