You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
