she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
