Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
