Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
