i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
