Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hippo gnu deer
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
