I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
