When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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