We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
