I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
