Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
