Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
