Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
