And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
