my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
