Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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