I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
