Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize