Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
