Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
