good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
