ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
