drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
