My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
