I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
