If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
