its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
