Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
