well I can't set my house on fire every night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
