I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
