I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
