he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
