My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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