Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
