Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
