I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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