I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
