Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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