It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Are we still banned from the library?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
