I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
