I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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