Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
