I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
