I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
