My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
