you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Its about making memories worth repressing
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
