and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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