Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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