I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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