Screwed.edu
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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