the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
