Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
