god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize