i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
