So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
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