so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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