god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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