we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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