does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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