It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
