i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize