finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
