What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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