Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
