I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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