her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize