he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
