dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
