She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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