:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize