His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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