He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
