Where did you get a picture of my penis
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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