break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
home. puking in laundry basket.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hippo gnu deer
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
