she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
