I am in a vortex of obligation.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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