the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
